im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
