apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
