omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
worst night to have a conscience
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
