I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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