I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
