i don't like sucking hair
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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