Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
