i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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