I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize