the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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