I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
