She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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