Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
