apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize