btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
