The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
