Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
