Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Slut skills are useful in every country.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
