Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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