tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
