Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
