Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
