oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
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YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
