apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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