i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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