Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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