Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
