Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize