so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Randomize
