I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
