my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
