I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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