Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
