loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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