you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
