You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
