Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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