Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
