he wants to bone in the snuggie
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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