No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
It's no shave November. This is our time.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
