im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
