Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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