I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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