no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
