Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
