I'll bet she douches with gravy.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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