I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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