yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
