Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
