i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
