my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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