I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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