Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
