So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
