Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
