you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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