Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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