he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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