i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
