This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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