I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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