I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
