Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
