you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
ugly people sure do ruin things
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
