i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
