fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
