I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
