All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
