watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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