Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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