Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
