hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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