so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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