I think I won the penis lottery.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
