I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
