I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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