I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
organizing the empties. That sober.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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