True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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