your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
